5 WAYS TO SURVIVE THE WITCHING HOUR

Sep 9, 2016
5 min read

A few days ago I posted about the absolute horror that is the witching hour with little commentary and even less hope, but I'm not one to wallow in despair. Yes, it's incredibly difficult and physically taxing to get all our kids to sleep. They're kids, after all, and they're going to fight you. It's just part of the game.

That said, Mallerie and I manage to have everyone quiet and in bed within 15 minutes of bed time every single night. We're not magicians, and we don't beat our kids into silence. We've just learned from our mistakes.

Here are five strategies we use to stay sane when the exhaustion-fueled tantrums come out to play:

1. Wear them out

I can't stress this enough. Nothing makes putting children to bed easier than draining them of energy. We're fortunate enough to live near a park with a splash pad so, on the really crazy days and the days when we're just too tired to fight, we head on over for bubbles or some fun in the water. We don't stay long, usually just thirty or forty-five minutes, but the effect is incredible. By the time we get home, dinner is quiet and uneventful. During bath time, they've had enough splash time and wash themselves quickly. Picking up their toys becomes an arduous task. Sometimes, we let them watch an episode of television with a blanket and some cuddles. Inevitably, one of them falls asleep almost immediately. The other kids are alert, but they don't whine or protest when we flip the television off and tell them it's time for bed. In fact, they're happy to crawl under their covers and nuzzle their pillow pets.

2. Establish a routine.

When I first became a teacher, I watched a man named Lee Canter declare that "consistency is like pregnancy: you either are or you aren't." Though he was talking about the need for routines in the classroom, I took his mantra to heart. Besides, it's common sense that a sound pedagogical strategy would make parenting easier, since both teachers and parents are trying to establish a set of behaviors that facilitates a specific task. Too technical? Let me lose the analogy and speak plain: if kids know what to expect, they're less likely to resist. This is especially true for our ADHD darling. Even though his medication wears off in the evening and he struggles to fall asleep, he's used to the nightly routine and rarely challenges us when it's time to go to sleep.

For us, the routine that works goes like this: Get home from school; play; dinner; bath; brief play; clean up; bed time. Sounds simple, right? But there's a secret to being consistent with kids, which brings me to my next point...

3. Use specific transitions.

Routines are amazing, but they aren't nearly as effective without transition signals. I don't know about your kids, but mine struggle with time and pacing. They often describe things that happened "last year," when they mean "yesterday." I'm sure they'll improve as they age, but that doesn't help me right now. So, we use countdowns and signal transitions. For instance, I might call to them while they play that they have five minutes to play, then it's dinner time. When it nears bedtime, I tell them that they have ten minutes to play. Then five. Then two. The countdown keeps them from being surprised, allowing their brains to process the change that is going to take place. Long story short, they're cognitively prepared for our instruction to clean up the toys and get ready for bed.

4. Anticipate stalling.

If there's one thing kids master early on, it's the art of stalling. They can find a reason to prolong just about anything. We first noticed it at bedtime when our oldest, AJ, was suddenly traipsing out of her bedroom three or four times within thirty minutes of going to bed. She was thirsty and needed water. Then she needed to go to the bathroom. Then she wanted to know if someone could tuck her in. Bedtime stories. Vaseline for her lips. Questions about the following day at school. Whatever delayed her going to sleep, she latched onto it. Before long, the other kids had picked up on her antics, and we had a line for the bathroom, cries for water and someone to put them to bed. So, we adapted. Now, we run through the list of potential delays in the minutes before bedtime: get water if you're thirsty; go to the bathroom, even if you don't think you need to; if you want a story, clean up your toys early and gather around. You get the gist.

5. Stay calm and speak softly.

Okay, let me be the first to say that there are nights when this one feels utterly impossible. I hate shouting at my kids and I hate losing my cool, but sometimes they know exactly which buttons to push. Am I right? Here's the thing, though: losing your cool makes it harder to get them to bed. Kids feed off our frustration. Honestly, I used to think that it was intentional. I thought they really were monsters who preyed upon my weaknesses. But we know that's not true. For all their faults, kids are amazingly compassionate and want desperately to be good. When they react to our tension with tantrums, they're not being malicious; they're mimicking our behaviors. We yell, so they yell. We argue, so they argue. In doing so, we're teaching our kids that it's a natural and appropriate response when they're upset. Of course, we know better. And we want them to know better, too, so we have to practice what we preach. If we want them to stop acting a fool, we need to present them with a calming presence. We need to encourage them to wind down, not get worked up. It's also (usually) a more honest reflection of how we feel. Most of the time, we aren't angry with our kids for not being in bed. We're stressed about a deadline, or worried about the tire that keeps going flat. I, for one, hope my kids are never too old to give me a hug and a kiss before bed. I cherish that moment, and it melts my heart. I want them to sense that, not my frustration or anxiety, so I have to show them that adoration.

Of course, I don't have all the answers. I've only been a parent for three years, and there are plenty of times when I think I'm failing miserably. These are just a few things we do, and they work for us.

How about you? How do you survive the witching hour? Let's get more strategies flowing in the comments!