GOAL SETTING IN 2017
- Jan 4, 2017
- 5 min read
This is not the year of resolutions. For me, resolutions often stem from a place of negativity, from the mentality that something is wrong and the new calendar offers a chance at a "new" (read: better) you. Since one of our biggest priorities with the kids is practicing self-love and striving to achieve what we're passionate about, 2017 will be the year I stop making resolutions and start setting goals. My hope is that each of my goals is attainable but challenging, and that each goal ultimately makes me feel more fulfilled as a father, a partner, and a writer.
Goal: Reach 500 followers/page likes on my social media pages (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter).
Several of my goals are lofty and/or broad, so they require steps (or mini-goals) if I hope to achieve them. When it comes to social media, I'm a bit of a novice.
I joined Facebook way back in the beta days. It's changed drastically over the last twelve years, and I'm afraid I still use it in much the same way that I did when I first joined; namely, I converse with my peers about various elements of activism and sociopolitical consciousness. Unfortunately, this doesn't translate well to actual networking. So, one step toward achieving my ultimate goal is to both post to my Facebook page and interact with other bloggers/dads daily.
Instagram and Twitter have long been a mystery to me. One the one hand, both feel a bit narcissistic, which is a challenge for someone with very little self-confidence. On the other, I grapple with how to consistently utilize these social media accounts without sacrificing even more time with my kids. Still, I see the value in being visible, and I understand that sharing frequent moments from the day can make an otherwise two-dimensional dad blogger more, shall we say, human. Like Facebook, a necessary step toward my goal is posting to both Twitter and Instagram daily.
Goal: Place at least two pieces of fiction and ten essays during the calendar year.
This is a bit of a selfish goal. I don't often discuss my endeavors as a creative writer here, but my foray into writing was through poetry. For the last decade, I've been fortunate to produce a decent volume of writing each year and to place 10-20 poems most years. I've also published one poetry collection and my second collection will be released in the coming months.
However, I'm all about growth as a writer, so I decided to pursue fiction in my MFA program. I recently completed my thesis project, a young adult novel, but haven't published a piece of fiction in years. So, I'm pushing myself to create and place some original fiction this year. Additionally, I noticed that I waned on submitting essays in 2016, so I'm ramping up my commitment to cross-publish my more universal/readable essays.
One nice side effect to this goal is that it will help with my first goal by increasing exposure and readership here.
Goal: Read and write every day in some facet.
This is actually something that I achieved in 2016, but much of what I read and wrote were due to my MFA program. Since I'm transitioning into the revision semester, it's going to be harder to justify reading and writing when things get crazy at home. I'm keeping this as a goal, though, because I'm a much happier and more patient person when I prioritize reading/writing.
Some days, I'll write blogs. Others, perhaps essays or pieces of fiction. Maybe even a few new poems. I'm not really picky about what I write, so long as I keep my writing muscle flexed.
Reading has become easier for Mallerie and I since we made peace with Audible. Though it's not reading in the most literal sense, listening to audiobooks is a necessary compromise with our wonderful (chaotic) family. Currently, I drive an hour each way for work, which means that I average a book a week during the school year. It's put me in a better mood and I finally feel like I'm catching up on all the books I've been unable to read since becoming a father.
Goal: Become a more attentive and affectionate partner.
This is a hard one for me to admit, but I've become complacent in my relationship with Mallerie. Months ago, we took a love language test. The results were enlightening and disheartening; enlightening because I wasn't aware of love languages and how they work, and disheartening because I learned that the love languages I speak naturally are not the love languages that Mallerie values. She makes such a strong effort to reach me in the ways that she knows I need, and I am setting a goal to reciprocate that effort.
It honestly kills me to know that she doesn't know how much I swoon for her or how attracted to her I am. This will probably be one of the most challenging goals for me, but I believe it's also one of the most important. No one has been more supportive or encouraging of my ambitions. Ever. So, if I can teach myself Spanish, I can learn to speak her love languages.
Goal: Spend at least 30 minutes every evening talking with the kids about something other than school or chores.
One reality of working so far from home is that I only get to see the littles for about 3-3.5 hours per night during the week. Much of that time is whiled away cooking dinner, shuffling kids through the shower/pajama routine and picking up the playroom.
During dinner, the dominant conversation is about school and/or reminding the littles to chew with their mouths closed. Now, I'm both a teacher and a proponent of discipline, but I find that our kids are becoming tiny persons with right before my eyes. I don't want to just care for them; I want to know them. So, I'm setting a goal to talk with them about something they're excited about, have questions about, or something that they're reading (our two oldest are practicing more and more).
When time allows, perhaps we'll all play a game and get to talk through our strategies for winning There's a Mouse in the House. All I really care about is that, at the end of the year, I feel like I know my kids better than I know them right now.
Goal: Exercise 4-5 times per week in some facet.
Note: this goal is about feeling good. Period. Yes, I am chubbier than I used to be. Yes, my muscle definition is only visible in old pictures. But I'm not interested in exercise to "improve" the way I look. I look fine. The point is, I don't feel fine. I can't keep up with my littles at the park the way I would like to, and I'm struggling to manage my bipolar disorder.
Exercise has consistently proven to be one of the fastest ways for me to alleviate stress and anxiety, and upping my stamina is a great bonus. I love being the dad who plays in the floor and races the kids home. I love being the dad who can toss all the kids in the air no matter how big they get. And I love being able to self-regulate my mood swings. Will my pants fit better? Probably. That's just not the purpose of my desire to exercise.
Maybe I'm hitting this a little hard, but Mallerie and I are very deliberate about communicating body positivity to our kids, and to teaching them the difference between doing things for the sake of health and doing them to meet an arbitrary beauty standard.
So, that's it. There's my 2017 in a nutshell. What are your goals? What's going to push you to be your best self?
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